Fighting to be free

Away from the pain,
The constant screaming in my head
To be free once more from the cycle
The quirky days with a landslide of emotions

Just to roam free
Without the sadness the suffering brings
Literally open my eyes
To see the brightness of life

They say dance like no one’s watching
Problem is; I can’t dance
I fight the nostalgia that comes with being happy,
Knowing it might not last long

The feeling of nothingness
When I think I want to disappear.. Or
At least, shrink into my tiny life sized pen
I don’t want to be a sore loser

I’m learning to accept these things
The hand I’m dealt;
In my mind I’m perfect..
This frail body is mocking me constantly

When people make fun
Or say, albeit jokingly, things that hurt
Like: ‘why are you always there?’
That grimace that I learned to perfect over the years is ever present

I’m still take a look at where I’m now
and where I have been,
I know things can’t get worse cause I’ve borne more fatal blows

I don’t know how or when I’ll be okay
Till then I’m fighting my way
Trying to survive each day;
living each day for the present
I’m fighting to be free.

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