How many times did i find myself wanting to prove to you; That I was cool, That I was hip. It only mattered if you accepted me. I tried to change my life to suit your needs. To make it appear that I would have your back, come what may. I thought that if you loved me, then maybe I’d learn to love myself.

That I’d had lunch. That I had a stomach bug. That I ate when you were out. That I’d eat when you went to bed. I hated myself, all 113 pounds of my 5 foot 6 frame, I didn’t want. In retrospect though, I thought you’d notice. I thought you’d tell me that I was beautiful just as I was.

You told me she was married. You told me that you only worked together. That she just needed some extra help around the house on weekends. That she didn’t know that many guys. That her husband was out of state. You just never told me her marriage ended years ago.

That I’d gotten pregnant. That I was as excited to be a mother as you were to be a father. That I fell down the stairs. That I had a miscarriage. There was never a baby; you just never bothered to confirm it. You just didn’t stay.

That we’d be okay. That you’d go to rehab. That those were your only stash of pills. That you had anxiety. That you couldn’t sleep. You told me they were painkillers, not tranquillisers. That they were over-the-counter medications. And later, that you had gotten genuine prescriptions.

We had no truth, Love
We really didn’t.

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